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1. |
ego death
02:07
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frenzied for means of escape
consciousness melds with the days
longing for a state from before the decay
tedious flows turn to sludge
praying that fate holds no grudges
carrying on with distrust
how unjust
is this what it’s like to grow up?
to realize everything’s fucked up?
to realize dreams are delusions of youth?
no room for missteps
easily caught in spiderwebs
wisdom feels worthless when compared to innocence
yet faith is embedded and infinite
the beauty of life is ubiquitous
the soul dies when all it can do is reminisce
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2. |
star-crossed
04:50
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starry eyed
stuck in twilights
dignified in spiraling declines
resigned
convincingly polite
a spirit so perpetually contrite
why
not
kill
unkind time
feels like i’m spinning
nothing is missing
feels like i’m slipping
hope god forgives me
ends
justify
the means
feels like i’m spinning
nothing is missing
feels like i’m slipping
hope god forgives me
force fed punishments
tastes of contempt
deafened by torment
i play pretend
lies as lullabies
don’t ask, don’t pry
smothered cries
i revel before goodbyes
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3. |
ataque de nervios
02:31
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the lull before the uproar
i can feel stares from a mile away
impressive survival as perfect prey
i don’t need sympathies, i don’t need your praise
you don’t have a fucking clue, this shit’s innate
guess it shows character at the very least
tremendous offbeat piece of meat
spellbinding, alluring, intrinsically
poster child of silent intensity
plagued by premonitions
by the gift of vision
added indecision
no cure for the human condition
still on this earth with a pass from god
built in their image, fatally flawed
world says give up but i scrape along
at the very least i’ll play the swan
play dead for fun
strategically withdrawn
at odds with a longing for closeness, i’m lost
impeccably preserved
yet never reassured
pining away, i will never be pure
the cries resound
shake the ground
breaks in the armor send me up into the clouds
i’d rather lose it all
please break down these walls
they’re caving in and i need someone to save me
when they fall
jagged breaths i’m
starved of oxygen
swimming against this
stream of consciousness
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4. |
gazelle
03:27
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misinterpretation held dear
can’t help but relate
futile attempts to sit down and paint a picture
puzzled by pieces in disarray
work in progress to throw away
maddened by detail, succumb to impatience
perplexed by the mirror, i drown in frustration
do your worst
i can take more than most
shame on my name
just for the look on my face
how sweet could that taste?
to put me in my place?
corporeality
never failed to displease me
beaten down filthy
to stand back up is quite the feat
take me for a fool
it’s nothing quite new
karma by virtue of dignity
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5. |
bbq
01:53
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robbed through
sentencing
injustice
deadening
judged as
threatening
day of
reckoning
judge, jury, executioner
take no prisoners
war knows no bounds or mercy
fill the scene with body bags and gurneys
i’ve lived through countless bodies and souls it seems
law and order falls apart at the seams
finding power in collective misery
in captivity we dream of liberty
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6. |
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get you through it at the same time
draw the line, it’s bound to be tried
talking through it at the same time
took the crown, it’s rightfully mine
incredible how the time flies
comprised of cocoons and butterflies
empathize with the undefined
unrefined, unconfined
swallowed alive
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7. |
so it goes
01:10
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8. |
space orphan
05:00
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saw an old friend of mine
and she walked away so…
and she walked away so…
i couldn’t seem to find the words
so when i felt her near i
forced the smile
could she see right through to me?
do you think she noticed?
do you think she cares?
no, i’m as good as dead to her
i can’t say i blame her
it’s for the best
blindsided and tongue tied
begged for a voice all my life
and it locked itself in my eyes
every single time…
i can’t
see through to reason
i can’t
see through the reasons
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9. |
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festering
make known the names of
deviances so
pushed aside by unwilling tides
sunshine as kryptonite
surrendering
come to terms with a chasm deepening
is the fight still in me?
i’ve been matched with a face i can’t see
momentarily alive
i wanted to apologize
for what i’ve done or what i haven’t
it’s hard to decide
momentarily alive
is the grass greener on the other side?
i catch glimpses from days i can manage to jump high to peek
and somehow i’m colorblind
petulant
trivial attachments to arrogance
cognitive dissonance at its best
grown so damn tired of games and tests
why can’t i rest
perpetually collapsing
i can’t let this happen
in trying to take hold,
i loosen my grasping
self-saboteur
the demons are laughing
the echoes alone form the
ambience, transience
oh, clarity
hold me for a moment
i just want to see
the suffering and grief
mourning’s quite
a sight for sorry eyes
momentarily alive
i wanted to apologize
for what i’ve done or what i haven’t
it’s hard to decide
momentarily alive
is the grass greener on the other side?
i catch glimpses from days i can manage to jump high to peek
and somehow i’m colorblind
seize all the moments you can
the heart wants the good ones to last
generous tenderness heals
pay no mind to what love conceals
i refuse to let go
ask me what for
i am begging for more
i’ll continue to walk on the sores
the aches
the breaks
just for a glimpse of the door
so don’t
have the nerve
to ask me what for
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10. |
catalyst
05:14
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convalescence beckoning
to think of repose feels sickening
identified by existential dread
sacrifice as a virtue, instilled yet unsaid
circumventing surrender, ascend
rip the covers from off of this deathbed
broken cycles pave ways to restitution
to blossom is revolution
out of ruptures gush doubt
indecisive and shut down
will they ever know what they’ve done?
do they ever think of it?
musings and reveries
drowned in shame
tell me, who’s to blame?
tell me who to blame
remedied by anomalies
a warmth so hallowed, a rarity
connections so sacred to serve as
reminders of mercy and irony
the spirit has always willed
but the flesh is traumatized
i have myself to answer for
the repetition strikes a chord
i’ve felt this all before
the repetition strikes a chord
transfixed, held captive, i submit
will this allow the haze to lift?
i’ll never speak again, and nothing makes sense
and i, can’t seem to take it
refusing comfort in chokeholds
violent conflicts tear apart the psyche
tell me what to do, tell me what i’ve done
tell me how far i’ve come
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11. |
la belle indifférence
04:51
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on the floor, petrified
by phobias in mind’s eye
i fantasize of white lies
to broadcast for peace of mind
wish there was some comfort i
haven’t heard before
i feel nothing left
i mourn for a gift of words
i feel nothing left
i mourn being immature
walking right, walking fine
say hello, say goodbye
(how i miss the sunlight)
clumsy head, wandered off
forgive the words, they might be lost
(before you walk you learn to crawl)
bandaged wounds, bandaged heart
beating strong it falls apart
(blood fills the hollow only for so long)
suffocate, suffocate
another space to desecrate
(uprooted, i do not belong)
constantly wandering
with willpower i would disappear
pushed down and pondering
the consequence of letting go of fear
to go on with paper cuts
and let every movement sting to the core
reminded of every touch
imprinted on skin and broken soul
i ask for nothing more
than release in any of its forms
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12. |
paper tiger
04:11
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attempting to reason, what a waste of time
as far as you’re concerned, i’m doing fine
tend to stagger from catastrophe to catastrophe
kept my mouth shut, got the third degree
magnetic fixations
disintegration
of your creation
is this how you like me?
confused by reality?
always at your mercy?
then it’s how i’ll remain
so well-behaved
digging two graves
i know we’re the same
the pain is ingrained
courses through our veins
so we go through cycles
death grips on survival
keeping our eyes closed
shared ruminations
shared devastations
all lost in translation
countless vexations
countless generations
all lost in translation
wolf in
sheep’s skin
so easily forgiven
left with
the fragments
burnt into ashes
wolf in
sheep’s skin
so easily forgiven
face
the damages
i have no use for bandages
wolf in
sheep’s skin
so easily forgiven
makeshift
stitches
how inauspicious
resistant
by inclination
suffering
lost in translation
impoverished
invaluable
wordlessly unforgettable
save your pity
i am playing for keeps
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foxtails Connecticut
genre alchemy for queer outcasts
instagram: @foxtailsct
inquiries: fffoxtails@gmail.com
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