We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

fawn

by foxtails

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 USD  or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 8 foxtails releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of home, violeta, fawn, querida hija, split w/ algae bloom, III, o tempora! o mores!, and this is not for you. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $15.30 USD or more (15% OFF)

     

  • Limited Edition Clear w/ Pink & Black Splatter 12" Vinyl
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Housed in a full color jacket with full color labels and includes lyric insert.

    This second pressing is limited to 500 copies and is pressed on Clear w/ Pink & Black Splatter vinyl.

    Includes unlimited streaming of fawn via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Limited Edition Red Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Pro dubbed and housed in a clear cassette case. Features full colors j-card.

    This second pressing is limited to 200 copies.

    Includes unlimited streaming of fawn via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Limited Edition Compact Disc
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Housed in a full color digipak with lyric insert.

    Includes unlimited streaming of fawn via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Limited Edition 12" Vinyl LP
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited edition vinyl LP housed in a full color jacket. Includes lyric insert.

    300 Transparent Violet

    Includes unlimited streaming of fawn via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

1.
ego death 02:07
frenzied for means of escape consciousness melds with the days longing for a state from before the decay tedious flows turn to sludge praying that fate holds no grudges carrying on with distrust how unjust is this what it’s like to grow up? to realize everything’s fucked up? to realize dreams are delusions of youth? no room for missteps easily caught in spiderwebs wisdom feels worthless when compared to innocence yet faith is embedded and infinite the beauty of life is ubiquitous the soul dies when all it can do is reminisce
2.
star-crossed 04:50
starry eyed stuck in twilights dignified in spiraling declines resigned convincingly polite a spirit so perpetually contrite why not kill unkind time feels like i’m spinning nothing is missing feels like i’m slipping hope god forgives me ends justify the means feels like i’m spinning nothing is missing feels like i’m slipping hope god forgives me force fed punishments tastes of contempt deafened by torment i play pretend lies as lullabies don’t ask, don’t pry smothered cries i revel before goodbyes
3.
the lull before the uproar i can feel stares from a mile away impressive survival as perfect prey i don’t need sympathies, i don’t need your praise you don’t have a fucking clue, this shit’s innate guess it shows character at the very least tremendous offbeat piece of meat spellbinding, alluring, intrinsically poster child of silent intensity plagued by premonitions by the gift of vision added indecision no cure for the human condition still on this earth with a pass from god built in their image, fatally flawed world says give up but i scrape along at the very least i’ll play the swan play dead for fun strategically withdrawn at odds with a longing for closeness, i’m lost impeccably preserved yet never reassured pining away, i will never be pure the cries resound shake the ground breaks in the armor send me up into the clouds i’d rather lose it all please break down these walls they’re caving in and i need someone to save me when they fall jagged breaths i’m starved of oxygen swimming against this stream of consciousness
4.
gazelle 03:27
misinterpretation held dear can’t help but relate futile attempts to sit down and paint a picture puzzled by pieces in disarray work in progress to throw away maddened by detail, succumb to impatience perplexed by the mirror, i drown in frustration do your worst i can take more than most shame on my name just for the look on my face how sweet could that taste? to put me in my place? corporeality never failed to displease me beaten down filthy to stand back up is quite the feat take me for a fool it’s nothing quite new karma by virtue of dignity
5.
bbq 01:53
robbed through sentencing injustice deadening judged as threatening day of reckoning judge, jury, executioner take no prisoners war knows no bounds or mercy fill the scene with body bags and gurneys i’ve lived through countless bodies and souls it seems law and order falls apart at the seams finding power in collective misery in captivity we dream of liberty
6.
get you through it at the same time draw the line, it’s bound to be tried talking through it at the same time took the crown, it’s rightfully mine incredible how the time flies comprised of cocoons and butterflies empathize with the undefined unrefined, unconfined swallowed alive
7.
so it goes 01:10
8.
space orphan 05:00
saw an old friend of mine and she walked away so… and she walked away so… i couldn’t seem to find the words so when i felt her near i forced the smile could she see right through to me? do you think she noticed? do you think she cares? no, i’m as good as dead to her i can’t say i blame her it’s for the best blindsided and tongue tied begged for a voice all my life and it locked itself in my eyes every single time… i can’t see through to reason i can’t see through the reasons
9.
festering make known the names of deviances so pushed aside by unwilling tides sunshine as kryptonite surrendering come to terms with a chasm deepening is the fight still in me? i’ve been matched with a face i can’t see momentarily alive i wanted to apologize for what i’ve done or what i haven’t it’s hard to decide momentarily alive is the grass greener on the other side? i catch glimpses from days i can manage to jump high to peek and somehow i’m colorblind petulant trivial attachments to arrogance cognitive dissonance at its best grown so damn tired of games and tests why can’t i rest perpetually collapsing i can’t let this happen in trying to take hold, i loosen my grasping self-saboteur the demons are laughing the echoes alone form the ambience, transience oh, clarity hold me for a moment i just want to see the suffering and grief mourning’s quite a sight for sorry eyes momentarily alive i wanted to apologize for what i’ve done or what i haven’t it’s hard to decide momentarily alive is the grass greener on the other side? i catch glimpses from days i can manage to jump high to peek and somehow i’m colorblind seize all the moments you can the heart wants the good ones to last generous tenderness heals pay no mind to what love conceals i refuse to let go ask me what for i am begging for more i’ll continue to walk on the sores the aches the breaks just for a glimpse of the door so don’t have the nerve to ask me what for
10.
catalyst 05:14
convalescence beckoning to think of repose feels sickening identified by existential dread sacrifice as a virtue, instilled yet unsaid circumventing surrender, ascend rip the covers from off of this deathbed broken cycles pave ways to restitution to blossom is revolution out of ruptures gush doubt indecisive and shut down will they ever know what they’ve done? do they ever think of it? musings and reveries drowned in shame tell me, who’s to blame? tell me who to blame remedied by anomalies a warmth so hallowed, a rarity connections so sacred to serve as reminders of mercy and irony the spirit has always willed but the flesh is traumatized i have myself to answer for the repetition strikes a chord i’ve felt this all before the repetition strikes a chord transfixed, held captive, i submit will this allow the haze to lift? i’ll never speak again, and nothing makes sense and i, can’t seem to take it refusing comfort in chokeholds violent conflicts tear apart the psyche tell me what to do, tell me what i’ve done tell me how far i’ve come
11.
on the floor, petrified by phobias in mind’s eye i fantasize of white lies to broadcast for peace of mind wish there was some comfort i haven’t heard before i feel nothing left i mourn for a gift of words i feel nothing left i mourn being immature walking right, walking fine say hello, say goodbye (how i miss the sunlight) clumsy head, wandered off forgive the words, they might be lost (before you walk you learn to crawl) bandaged wounds, bandaged heart beating strong it falls apart (blood fills the hollow only for so long) suffocate, suffocate another space to desecrate (uprooted, i do not belong) constantly wandering with willpower i would disappear pushed down and pondering the consequence of letting go of fear to go on with paper cuts and let every movement sting to the core reminded of every touch imprinted on skin and broken soul i ask for nothing more than release in any of its forms
12.
paper tiger 04:11
attempting to reason, what a waste of time as far as you’re concerned, i’m doing fine tend to stagger from catastrophe to catastrophe kept my mouth shut, got the third degree magnetic fixations disintegration of your creation is this how you like me? confused by reality? always at your mercy? then it’s how i’ll remain so well-behaved digging two graves i know we’re the same the pain is ingrained courses through our veins so we go through cycles death grips on survival keeping our eyes closed shared ruminations shared devastations all lost in translation countless vexations countless generations all lost in translation wolf in sheep’s skin so easily forgiven left with the fragments burnt into ashes wolf in sheep’s skin so easily forgiven face the damages i have no use for bandages wolf in sheep’s skin so easily forgiven makeshift stitches how inauspicious resistant by inclination suffering lost in translation impoverished invaluable wordlessly unforgettable save your pity i am playing for keeps

about

fawn

“... according to Webster, it means: ‘to act servilely; to cringe and flatter.’

… As a toddler, the codependent learns quickly that protesting abuse leads to even more frightening parental retaliation. Thus she responds by relinquishing her fight response, deleting ‘no’ from her vocabulary and never developing the language skills of healthy assertiveness.
… The future codependent toddler, however, wisely gives up on the fight, flight and freeze responses. Instead she learns to fawn her way into the occasional safety of being perceived as helpful. … She is the precocious one who discovers that a modicum of safety can be purchased by becoming variously useful to her parent.
Servitude, ingratiation, and obsequiousness become important survival strategies. She cleverly forfeits all needs that might inconvenience her parents. She stops having preferences and opinions that might anger them. Boundaries of every kind are surrendered to mollify her parents, who repudiate their duty of caring for her.
… All this loss of self begins before the child has many words, and certainly no insight. For the budding codependent, all hints of danger soon immediately trigger servile behaviors and abdication of rights and needs.
These response patterns are so deeply set in the psyche, that as adults, many codependents automatically respond to threats like dogs, symbolically rolling over on their backs, wagging their tails, hoping for a little mercy and an occasional scrap. Webster’s second entry for fawn is: ‘to show friendliness by licking hands, wagging its tail, etc.: said of a dog.’
… They invite the other to talk rather than risk exposing their thoughts, views, and feelings. They ask questions to keep the attention off themselves, because their parents taught them that talking was dangerous and that their words were indictments that would inevitably prove them guilty of being unworthy.
The implicit code of the fawn type is that it is safer [1] to listen than to talk, [2] to agree than to dissent, [3] to offer care than to ask for help, [4] to elicit the other than to express yourself and [5] to leave choices to the other rather than to express preferences.
… Fawns need to understand that fear of being attacked for lapses in ingratiation causes them to forfeit their boundaries, rights and needs. Understanding this dynamic is a necessary but not sufficient step in recovery. There are many codependents who realize their penchant for forfeiting themselves, but who instantly forget everything they know when self-assertion is appropriate in their relationships.”
-- Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

thank you endlessly to our queer siblings, our Black & Brown siblings, and all of our immensely talented friends in the scene, who have fueled us with the inspiration, love, understanding, and drive needed to persevere despite the bullshit life in america throws at us all.

thank you endlessly to Skeletal Lightning for their amazing support throughout the process of being able to bring this album to fruition and onwards.

thank you endlessly to Steve Roche at Permanent Hearing Damage studios for recording & mixing our most important release to date, while also holding space for tenderness and compassion during one of the most intense recording sessions of our lives (so far!)

thank you endlessly to Will Killingsworth at Dead Air Studios for mastering this project and being such a wonderful presence over all of these years.

thank you endlessly to Rob Mattsson for designing all of the artwork for this album, an absolute treasure.

thank you endlessly to all of you, who have connected with us with so much kindness since the inception of this group, and allowed us to blossom into our truest selves through the universal language of music & catharsis. we wouldn’t be here without you. we are eternally grateful.

love and solidarity to all.

credits

released January 14, 2022

foxtails is:
Blue Luno Solaz - (they/them) - vox, bass, piano (track 7)
June Benham - (they/them) - guitar, vox (tracks 2 & 11), synthesizers (tracks 6, 9, & 10)
Jared Schmidt - (they/them) - violin (all tracks), vox (track 11)
Michael Larocca - (they/them) - percussion, glockenspiel (track 9)

recorded & mixed by Steve Roche (he/him) at Permanent Hearing Damage
mastered by Will Killingsworth (he/him) at Dead Air Studios
additional vox on track 11 by Phylix Almentero (they/she)
artwork and design by Rob Mattsson (he/him)

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

foxtails Connecticut

genre alchemy for queer outcasts

instagram: @foxtailsct
inquiries: fffoxtails@gmail.com

contact / help

Contact foxtails

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like foxtails, you may also like: